Doucheholes!!!!

Yes, I know my updates are infrequent, but generally, it happens that someone's gotta do something REALLY fucking annoying to get me to post it here. But enough of the polite stuff, you people come here for the bitching, and I've got a heaping spoonful of it!

Today was one of those days where the Angry Pharmacy was busy, due to the fact that it was just me and the pharmacist for practically the entire afternoon. Unfortunately, the only cashier up front is our manager, and he can't leave the front end area because of the obvious "don't steal shit" reason. So this mother needs to take her son to the bathroom, which is back in the storeroom. So *I'm* the one who's gotta walk in back and make sure that they don't start... well... stealing shit! So while we're up to our fucking eyeballs in prescriptions, I've got to wait while this kid has a bathroom party. Meanwhile, we're still busy. Here's a novel thought! If you have to take a piss in a public place, do what I do- wait a while. To me, there's nothing like the feel of my cheeks on my home porcelain. It's like a home field advantage while I do my business. Why can't other people realize this too????

Another thing that irked me was, go figure, Medicaid. Usually, I'm pissed at the typical trash that's on the program. Today, the program was the thing that confused and infuriated me. Apparently, Medicaid will pay for the trashy to get condoms. Yep. You know those Trojans that everybody else has to use their own money for? Yeah. You get 'em free. I always respectfully pay for my goddamn condoms because I think of it like a "pay-to-play" system. With the angry girlfriend, it's condom or nothing, and I respect that, because we don't need little angry kids just yet. But fuck, at least I feel like a good person for throwing my money at the condom companies. But no. These douchebags get their condoms for free. On the one hand, I resent that not only do I have to pay for MY condoms, but I have to pay for the trash's condoms too. It's like I'm the white trash wingman over here! "Yo, bro! Just in case you get lucky, here's one of these on me!" NO!!!!!!!!!! That's not me at all, New York State! I'd give these people a stiff, American "FUCK YOU", and tell them to do the nation a favor and get their nuts cut off or get syphillis! But then there's the rational part of me that says, "Thank fucking Christ they're doing something so there aren't little Medicaidlings running around!" So I'm torn on this one. Thoughts?

Now, just a couple friendly reminders. First, if you know you have like 10 refills, please for the love of fucking GOD!!!! Call them in! Give us a couple hours. Don't just dump them on us and say, "I'll be waiting in the store, and it better be ten minutes, boy!" Because if you do that, then I have no problem telling you to sit down and quit licking your chops over your fucking Hydroco-dans.

Next, if you're going to be waiting for your pain pills, just have a bit of fucking self-respect and take a seat. If your insurance is ok and you aren't an abuser, you will be getting them one way or the other. But if you're drooling on my counter or just staring at me from the minute I open the bottle, I will intentionally make you wait longer. Have you ever noticed that when you open up someone's bottle of either pain pills or hard-on pills, it's like you've just opened a pack of Beggin' Strips for your dog? Fuck you. Sit down. Shut up. The pissed off man behind the counter will bring you the pills when they're ready.

And please please please please PLEASE! DO NOT BE AN ASSHOLE! If you're going to be a douchehole to me, I'm going to make you wait. If you go above and beyond, you just won't get your shit. I mean, yes, generally we will fill your prescriptions, even if you get pissed. But if you're tossing around language used in this blog to us, we're going to flip you off and send you on your merry way without your drugs.

In a bit of cashier news, it's a really fucking bad idea to question my intelligence. I had to go out to the bottle room because our regular guy was on break. So I go to the redemption window and some bitch is just staring at me, because she's one of the people who use the bottle returns as secondary income aside from foodstamps. So I ring them up and immediately, she goes into the whole "you counted wrong" thing. I politely told her that I only counted what she put on the table. Then she tells me that I'm retarded and that the customer is always right. Oooooh, she just said the magic words. I believe what I wanted to say was "fuck you in the neck." But I held my tongue because that's a firable offense. So yeah, I did get mad, and then I got even too. Not only did I intentionally short her on her bottles (which she didn't notice), I told her that I have more years of formal education than she has real teeth, and then told her that I will gladly follow her to the service desk to make sure that the nice ladies over there give her the correct change back. You call me a retard, I make your life fucking hell on earth. Merry Christmas, twat.

That's all for now, friends.

Damn it to hell,

A.C.T.