Dear Mr. or Ms. Genderswap

No doubt, you know I'm calling you this because I can't tell if you're a woman or a man. If you would like to clarify, please let me know, but then again, I'm not sure if you have enough money to get teh internets.

I am replying to your earlier accusation that because we could not fill your brand name Xanax 0.5mg on Medicaid until we got prior authorization, that we are all retards who don't give you your fucking pills.

I assure you that, in fact, if we got the prior auth number real quick-like, you would've gotten your yummy pills and would've been on your way to have a drug party weekend. However, since you had to be a fucking cunt/prick about it, you will get nothing and like it. This wasn't my decision, because I don't have such authority, but fortunately, the pharamacist felt the same way, and you can cram that worthless piece of paper that used to be your prescription up your ass.

Next, you call us retarded because of the prior auth being needed. K, then. If I wanted to get my pharmacy to fill my hypothetical pain pills in a hypothetical "quick time", what I would do is say that I was wondering about how long it would take to get ahold of the doctor's office. The nice man or woman behind the pharmacy counter would say that they don't know because they don't have a fucking crystal ball, but you get the idea. Now, after that, rather than throwing my hands in the air and letting out a gigantic sigh, I would go about my daily life, give it a day or two unless I was in REALLY BRUTAL FUCKING PAIN!!!!!!! After seeing you, Mr. or Ms. Genderswap, I know you weren't in that much pain, because when I said it would be a few days (a few days ago), you told us to take our time and that you were in no real hurry. But dangit, it's a few days and you need your pills now!!!!! But if I was in REALLY BRUTAL FUCKING PAIN!!!, I would ask the pharmacy to call me when things were all set and try to make the best with what I got.

Let me take a moment to define REALLY BRUTAL FUCKING PAIN!!!!!!, okay?

REALLY BRUTAL FUCKING PAIN!!!!!! can be classified as such:

1.) When you have recently lost a limb and it's still flopping on the ground.
2.) When you get shot 9 times.
3.) When someone stomps your face to the curb, if you are still alive to tell about it... or write about it.
4.) When your nuts get chopped off by anyone other than a surgeon.
5.) When you become the human torch.

These are only a few of the examples. Pharmacy friends, feel free to add more.

In conclusion, Mr. or Ms. Genderswap, it wasn't our damn fault about the prior auth. Next time ya want your pills NOW ZOMG I'M IN REALLY BRUTAL FUCKING PAIN!!!!... call ahead.

Yours most sincerely,
ACT